We are conditioned to believe that emotions are wrong, both the “good” and the “bad.” Of all the emotions, it seems that we fear anger the most. We believe that anger comes from a place of arrogance, that it leads to dangerous behavior and negative actions. In reality, it is the suppression of anger that leads to those things. Suppressed anger is a ticking time bomb — the smallest thing will set it off, and you will explode, possibly ruining all that you have worked for and hurting others in the process.
True anger is more peaceful than one realizes. When you allow yourself to feel your anger, when you sit with your anger, when you listen to your anger — you gain control, rather than letting it control you. True anger is not impulsive or reckless — rather, it is slow and thinks things through. True anger is the acceptance that you have been disrespected for far too long and that you will no longer tolerate it.
Your anger is here for a reason which is why you should not push it away. Your anger is a friend when you surrender to it. It only becomes your enemy when you refuse to acknowledge it.
The reason why emotions are so illogical and confusing is because they come from a place that goes beyond the rational mind: the hidden subconscious. They rise to the surface with an important message, but they speak a language that is foreign to us. Our consciousness automatically filters our intuition, and emotions are what squeeze through the cracks — follow your emotions (without drowning in them) and they will lead you towards everything you have been hiding from yourself.
I used to equate anger with arrogance, but what I realize is that true anger does not come from a place of ego at all. All the misconceptions we believe about anger is not real anger at all.
Anger is not a weapon, it is a shield. Its purpose is to protect you. It is your inner self seeing that you have been mistreated, while your ego refuses to believe that it is possible for anyone to mistreat you. Your ego wants to believe that you are “better than” anger, that any form of disrespect was only a misunderstanding, that you are incapable of being mistreated. Your anger is coming in and saying, “look, you have been stepped on, taken for granted, and deeply hurt — so you must protect yourself before more damage is done,” meanwhile your ego strikes back and says, “I am too important to ever be mistreated! I have no reason to be angry!”
Anger is more than a friend: it’s a parent, a sibling, a teacher. Anger exists because of love, because you deserve better. It is the protective mom who’s kid is being bullied by the neighbor, it is the protective dad who’s daughter has just had her heart broken, it is the best friend of the woman who is stuck in a toxic relationship, and so forth. It only wants to protect you when you’re blinded.
It is not arrogant to be angry, rather, it is confident and strong. It means that you know your worth. It also means that you understand that not everyone you meet is going to treat you fairly, and so, you have to actively protect yourself. Arrogance, on the other hand, is the assumption that everybody treats you right.
As a shield, and not a weapon, anger does not actively seek war and conflict — however, it does not go out of its way to avoid it. Anger says, “I do not want war. But I am prepared to protect myself if you come towards me.”
Those who seek confrontation are not angry — they are insecure, ignorant, and bored. They are seeking validation, attention, and a reaction. Those who speak up may be annoyed, but they are not truly angry.
When someone is genuinely angry, their anger is not a weapon, it is a shield. Actual anger is usually not loud, yelling and screaming, but silent. It takes more energy to remain quiet than to speak up. Energy is limited, and all of it is spent protecting oneself, which leaves no room for speaking up or lashing out.
To protect oneself, anger draws boundaries. And when you are seriously angry, and someone confronts the boundaries you have drawn, there is usually no need to become defensive or attempt to explain oneself. Anger says, “if you do not understand, then nothing I attempt to explain to you will make you get it.” Anger does not fight back, it simply knows, and has nothing to explain. The silence of anger speaks for itself.
When you accept that someone has done you wrong, it is natural to become angry. It does feel unpleasant to know that someone, especially if it was someone who you put your trust in, ignored your limits and dishonored you. But once you push through that initial discomfort, and you can push past your ego to understand that you have been hurt, you can begin to rebuild your boundaries and protect yourself from any more pain. Let your anger be that protective parent, or sibling, or teacher, or best friend.
You draw your boundaries little by little, because true anger is not impulsive and suddenly cracks, it thinks things through. When your limits are honored, then maybe little by little, you can begin to let down your wall again — cautiously, of course. But when your limits continue to be ignored, you build even more limits, and then, if necessary, you may have to walk away completely.
We put so much work into relationships, environments, and situations. It’s very sad when a continuation of disrespect causes someone to suddenly crack, destroying all that time and energy, which now feels like a waste. That’s what happens with longterm denial of anger, piling up resentment. You risk destroying everything.
Do not use your anger as a weapon — as a knife, that you use to cut someone off or stab them in the back. That’s what happens when you’ve been denying it for too long. Your anger is meant to be used as a shield, to protect yourself from those who run around with knives.
Remember that your anger requires no explanation. True anger does not go around yelling at people, stirring up drama, or igniting violence — this is insecurity, ignorance, and boredom. True anger is quiet. It is a shield.