Journal Journey: Age 21

This is a smaller journal, which I was also writing in much frequently, so it only takes place within less than a year. It has a beautiful quote on the cover.

I am in my final year of college and I am finally prioritizing myself, or at least trying to.

I am living in a dorm by myself, and next semester I will be moving into my friend Bree’s apartment to live with her.

I am learning to see myself in a new and more beautiful way. I am becoming more confident by letting go of obsessing over flaws, seeing them as beautiful instead of ugly.

To clarify, I have been to some great weddings, especially within my own family. But this is me speaking from a personal viewpoint for myself.

This next part is when my boyfriend at the time didn’t seem to understand why I was getting so upset over a friend I had lost from high school who I had a very emotional and intimate dream about. So I was writing about how men are not sensitive enough to understand why you would be upset about losing a friend.

I don’t really know if this is a man-thing, or just exclusive to my relationship, but whenever I had rifts with friends, it felt like he did not fully understand the pain I was going through. Again, I don’t know if it’s because men don’t experience the same type of friendships as women do, or if it was more personal than that.

I cut off most of my high school friends after beginning college, and vice versa. And, clear from older journals, I also went through a lot of issues with my college friends. But around this time, during the next year, I would reach out to old friends and reconnect with them. I’m glad that I am still in touch with most of them now. It’s a really horrible feeling to end terms with someone having bad blood.

I bought a psychic reading on Etsy channeled from Goddess Isis. The woman conducted the reading saw an image of me pouring my cup of water into everyone else’s empty cup. This is so accurate. I drain all of my energy in order to fill up everyone else’s energy.

And thus, Lotus Laura was born…

Finally, finally, finally, as I am nearing graduation, I am really focusing on spirituality the way I have always wanted to.

I am really interested at the time (and still now) in researching all religions, from mainstream Christianity and Hinduism to the more alternative Paganism and ancient mythologies.

I have always been a very intense, emotional, giving person which has made all of my friendships so dramatic and painful. It’s not that I no longer want to be friends with anyone, I still have many friends, but I am learning that it does not have to be the central obsession of my life. I still plan to put effort into reaching out to others and keeping in touch, but no longer letting it consume me the way it always did. I am accepting that people come and go. The most important friendship you can have is the one with yourself.

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